ATLANTA, GA – The Centers for Disease Control is asking Americans to prepare for a new podcast by Brian Stelter and Jeffrey Toobin Spud & tug.
The show, taglined “No Podcast Probes Deeper,” is widely hailed as the go-to place for impotent and sexually frustrated Beta Males.
“Sometimes Michelle lets me listen to her lifting weights,” Barack Obama said, endorsing the show. “They don’t pull punches. Although there are many other things that are drawn.”
The podcast’s title raises eyebrows as it reminds listeners that Brian Stelter is shaped like a potato and has the intellectual prowess of an immature vegetable. Second, Jeffrey Toobin is famous for masturbating wildly in public. The hosts want you to forget both of these qualities.
“I told the logo maker it was Stud & Toob,” explained a frustrated Stelter. “But he was wearing a MAGA hat and he said, ‘Shut up, little potato idiot,’ and he was wrong. We have no more money to fix it.”
Stelter and Toobin recently wrapped up a conference call with SiriusXM executives about national syndication, but the broadcast company chose not to let them.
Update: Jeffrey Toobin was unaware the call was in video format with SiriusXM, and he admits he did something he’s “not particularly proud” of.
“I’ve never seen anyone so excited when they’re rejected, but I wish them the best,” said a SiriusXM executive.
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